Washington DC is a romantic place with moonlit rides on the Potomac River (just don’t go wading in it) and stunning man-lit promenades along the National Mall to be had. But the true measure of romance in the Nation’s Capitol isn’t how well we stroll these hallowed halls but how well we survive when the zombie apocalypse strikes.
Which is why the week of Valentine’s should actually be celebrated for the return of the best zombie survival guide there is, The Walking Dead.
Zombies and running for your life. What else could you need to create some “we might die tomorrow” romance?
If you need some convincing, let me show you Exhibit A, starring that geeky looking boy in that British movie who inexplicably turned into a sex god of sorts.
No, not Neville Longbottom. This boy.
He will be gracing a screen near you by August as a zombie in love with a human girl. That’s right, forbidden zombie-human relations for the EPIC Romance win. For the confused, a synopsis:
” R is a zombie. After a zombie apocalypse, he slowly moves through an America made up of collapsed buildings, rusted cars, shattered glass, and hollowed-out high-rises. He can speak only in grunts and simple syllables and craves human brains to get high on the memories they contain. After eating the brain of a suicidal teen, R is overcome with love for the teen’s companion, Julie Grigio. R rescues Julie from certain death by his zombie pack and takes her back to his lair. She eventually leaves, and R follows her to back to Citi Stadium, the largest remaining human habitation.”
Ladies and Gentlefolk, welcome to the new generation of zombies. The incomprehensibly hot zombies that quietly follow you home and do their best not to chew on your brain. ROMANTIC.
Thus ends part one of my case for a zombie-themed Valentine’s Day this year. Look to part two for actual activities you can do with your loved one to ensure that you are both prepared for the most romantic time in one’s life, the onset of the zombie apocalypse.